I woke up in the 𝐌𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧 convinced today was going to be 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐎𝐟 𝐌𝐲 𝐋𝐢𝐟𝐞. 𝐓𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐨𝐫 had organized a SingSnap get-together, so I figured I could 𝐇𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐥𝐞 whatever happened.

On the drive over, I spotted 𝐑𝐚𝐠𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞𝟏𝟎𝟖 doing handstands in his boxers on the sidewalk, holding a cardboard sign that simply read, “𝐁𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞.” I decided not to ask questions and just kept driving.

When I arrived, the first person I ran into was 𝐂𝐀𝐙𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐀, who was wearing swim fins and insisting everyone 𝐒𝐖𝐈𝐌 before lunch. I asked her not to 𝐑𝐞𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐈𝐭, but she reminded me that 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭’𝐬 𝐃𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐈𝐬 𝐃𝐨𝐧𝐞 and skipped away nagging everybody to get into the pool. I turned around too quickly, nearly 𝐇𝐢𝐭 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐖𝐚𝐥𝐥, and heard 𝐒𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝟓𝟕 laughing from across the room.

Inside, 𝐌𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐲𝐫𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐜 had organized a dance contest nobody remembered agreeing to. The music started with 𝐉𝐨𝐠𝐨𝐝𝐨, but within seconds it had turned into a full-blown 𝐓𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐝𝐨. My 𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦 was pumping while 𝐔𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐞-𝐏𝐚𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐲, dressed as a 𝐂𝐨𝐰𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥, swung from the curtains yelling, “𝐑𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐎𝐧 𝐌𝐞!”

I looked at 𝐓𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐨𝐫 and said, “𝐈 𝐊𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐈𝐭, 𝐈 𝐊𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐘𝐨𝐮 were going to let this happen.”

He calmly sipped his coffee, offered me a drink, and said, “𝐅𝐫𝐞𝐞 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐝.”

I didn’t know what was in that coffee, but at this point I chugged it in one gulp.

That was a mistake.

By the time I looked back at the dance floor, 𝐓𝐨𝐧𝐲 had somehow become 𝐈𝐧𝐯𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞, everyone had their 𝐇𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐔𝐩, and 𝐑𝐨𝐜𝐤 𝐌𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐜 was shaking the walls. I finally asked, “𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐃𝐨 𝐈 𝐇𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐓𝐨 𝐃𝐨 to keep from 𝐅𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐎𝐮𝐭 𝐎𝐟 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 with this crazy bunch?”

Just then, 𝐉𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬 burst through the patio doors waving a bottle of aspirin and shouting, “𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐂𝐮𝐫𝐞!”

Unfortunately, she was too late.

𝐃𝐚𝐲𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐫𝟐𝟎𝟎𝟖 had already 𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐥𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐰 by attempting an interpretive dance to 𝐍𝐮𝐞𝐯𝐚𝐲𝐨𝐥, while 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐃𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐙 insisted it should immediately transition into 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐥 (𝐍𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡 𝐋𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐧 𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫). Nobody understood the connection, but somehow the performance ended with 𝐅𝐑𝐄𝐃𝐃𝐈𝐄𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐀𝐃𝐀 yelling, “𝐒𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥!” loud enough to startle the neighbors.

As I stood there wondering what alternate universe I’d wandered into, 𝐌𝐢𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐬𝟕 walked in holding a baby crying. Suddenly the 𝐁𝐚𝐛𝐲 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝, “It’ll be fine,” before hopping out of her arms and dragging everyone into a conga line that somehow turned into 𝐄𝐧𝐯𝐨𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐫. Five minutes later we were all piled 𝐄𝐧 𝐞𝐥 𝐂𝐨𝐜𝐡𝐞, headed absolutely nowhere, while 𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐝𝐧𝐚𝐫𝟓 insisted he and 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐭_𝐧_𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 had just been voted 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐣𝐚 𝐝𝐞𝐥 𝐀𝐧𝐨 despite neither of them speaking the same language.

By the time we got back, everyone suddenly wanted to celebrate 𝐇𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐝, so they convinced 𝐁𝐞𝐯 it was a brilliant idea to 𝐒𝐤𝐚𝐭𝐞 across the wet pool deck. The rest of us stood there 𝐁𝐞𝐠𝐠𝐢𝐧’ her to reconsider, but she ignored us, slipped spectacularly, banged her head and shouted, “𝐄𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐞 𝐒𝐨𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐬 𝐲 𝐒𝐨𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐬 𝐦𝐞 𝐅𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐚𝐬.” No one had any idea what she meant.

As the sun started to set, someone switched on 𝐎𝐧𝐞 𝐌𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐋𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭, which only encouraged 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐃𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐙 to start singing 𝐑𝐞𝐝𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐭 at the top of his lungs. That somehow offended 𝐒𝐚𝐛𝐚𝟗𝟖𝟖𝟐, who dramatically performed 𝐓𝐮 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐚 𝐝𝐞 𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐫 while accusing everyone else of being completely 𝐂𝐫𝐚𝐳𝐲.

At that point I decided it was finally time to head 𝐁𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐇𝐨𝐦𝐞, but 𝐅𝐑𝐄𝐃𝐃𝐈𝐄𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐀𝐃𝐀 grabbed me around “𝐌𝐲 𝐍𝐞𝐜𝐤, 𝐌𝐲 𝐁𝐚𝐜𝐤,” and dragged me to the floor. That’s when 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐭_𝐧_𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 climbed onto a chair and declared, “𝐈 𝐀𝐢𝐧’𝐭 𝐆𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐈𝐭! I am a 𝐍𝐨 𝐌𝐚𝐧’𝐬 𝐖𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧,” not sure what her husband will think about that.

Meanwhile, 𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐝𝐧𝐚𝐫𝟓 accidentally went 𝐌𝐚𝐧 𝐎𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐛𝐨𝐚𝐫𝐝 into the pool trying to rescue a floating cowboy hat, and 𝐃𝐚𝐲𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐫𝟐𝟎𝟎𝟖 looked at him with 𝐌𝐲 𝐅𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐄𝐲𝐞𝐬 before muttering, “𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐌𝐞… but I’m laughing too hard to help.”

As we walked out toward the 𝐑𝐨𝐨𝐟 𝐆𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐧, I realized 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐏𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬 much faster when you’re surrounded by friends who have collectively lost their minds. Someone yelled “𝐁𝐮𝐫𝐧!” because the burgers were on fire, and through the smoke I could just make out 𝐓𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐨𝐫, standing there like a weary 𝐒𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐢𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐮𝐧𝐞, quietly chuckling because 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐖𝐞 𝐒𝐚𝐲 𝐆𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐛𝐲𝐞, the whole world loses its mind. We made a pact to 𝐍𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐒𝐚𝐲 𝐆𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐛𝐲𝐞 again and stick with 𝐇𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐨 𝐒𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐞𝐛𝐨𝐲 as our parting phrase from now on!

Sing the New Song Releases now!