Valentine Special: Ask Aunt Agnus Again
Last year we introduced you to Aunt Agnus as a Valentine Exclusive and we're thrilled to the gills to welcome this lovable Granny back to center stage to share more of her invaluable knowledge. She still has that special delivery that is uniquely hers!
Enjoy...
Dear Aunt Agnus,
I need your help. I am a woman of a certain age and I am ready for the finer things in life. I spent the majority of my adult life in a loveless marriage that lacked any physical intimacy. I met this fellow online and he seemed so charming, I fell in love instantly! I enjoy showing off my body and he told me he loved my puppies so I was excited for our first trip around the bedroom. Little did I know, his man bits don't work as well as they once did and it turns out he's an avid dog lover and meant he loved my twin Terriers and not my rack. Now I feel I am stuck?! Help!
Signed, PuppyLove
Dear Puppy Love,
It sounds like you got yourself into quite a predicament. My best advice is to take him on long walks, rub him behind the ears and pat him on the head when he's been a good boy. If he's going to prefer the dogs over you, he can sleep with them in their bed.
Dear Aunt Agnus,
I am recently divorced and had to save some funds, so I got a roommate. He was the same age as me and also recently divorced so I figured we could be pals and help one another through this next stage of life. It's been going great except he seems to spend a lot of time alone in the shower, making loud noises - if you know what I mean. How do I make this stop without embarrassing us both?
Signed, MyWaterBillIsThruTheRoof
Dear Water Bill,
Oh you poor thing, you. I can see how this would make ya feel a little uneasy to know another man is on the other side of the wall getting friendly with his pal Johnson. I reckon your best bet is to let him know there is a security cam hidden in the shower and hope he's shy enough to stop. If that doesn't work, you know what they say.. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em! (If you do, send us the security cam footage from the shower because we'd love to see his reaction to that!)
Dear Aunt Agnus,
There is a female Snapper on here who keeps following me around, commenting on every song I comment on, singing the same songs as me and flirting with the same men as me. Clearly she wants to be me but there's only room for ONE of us on this website. How do I get her to go away?
Signed, MakeTheWannaBeGoAway
Dear Wanna Be,
I do agree with one thing you said. There is only room for one of you on here and since I find her much less annoying, I vote for her to stay! Thanks for the note though, it's been a slice.
Dear Aunt Agnus,
I was recording the other day and a wasp flew right into my mouth. I panicked and swallowed but ever since, every time I pee it really burns. I am getting concerned, do you think I should see a doctor?
Signed, ScaredToPee
Dear Scared,
Nah, Doctors are expensive! Just drink lots of water, eventually the bee will drown.
Dear Aunt Agnus,
A friend wants to know if he can get a woman pregnant when blowing a kiss in a love song in SingSnap? She told him it could only be him as he was the only one and he doesn't know what to do.
Signed, AskingForAFriend
Dear Asking,
Pucker up, buttercup! It seems to me your 'friend' is up the creek without a paddle. It is scientifically proven that some men have super-powered sperm and can impregnate a woman over fibre optic connections. And if your 'friend' believes that, tell him to send Child Support payments immediately to;
Aunt Agnus
123 Living The Life Lane
Arvada, CO
80010
If you have a question for Aunt Agnus, drop it below and you never know - she may have some invaluable advice for you in the future!
Happy Singing!
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