SquirrelPower

<p>Long time no SingSnap. Sing first, catch up later. I was actually gonna sing something more depressing but I probably don’t need that right now totally biting off of LandoTanaki. Loved his latest slow version of this song but I also love the peppier original version that I’m doing here. I need lighter vibes right now anyway. Lando’s lovely, cool slow version: </p><p><br></p><p><a href="https://www.singsnap.com/#/d/listen/12956881" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.singsnap.com/#/d/listen/12956881</a></p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>2024 kicked off in the heaviest way possible. Learned some interesting things about myself, I am as resilient as I suspected and it doesn’t matter what happens, I remain, at my core, a happy person. </p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Right after Christmas my Grams fell sick and was hospitalized for 2 weeks. She’s currently back at home and slowly recovering. She’s still very fragile; being bedridden in the hospital for 2 weeks compromised her mental, emotional and physical health. There were more than a couple times we almost lost her during those 2 weeks. I’m grateful she’s still with us. </p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Grams experienced bouts of delirium during her hospital stay. When she was stable, time passed easily, we chatted, joked and laughed. When she wasn’t stable, it was so, so difficult. In her delirium she was frantic and fearful. She feared unfamiliar people and places, paranoid of strangers’ intentions. She gripped our hands as she thought she was falling, even while she was lying down in the hospital bed. </p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>One night, with just me and Grams at the hospital, Grams sighed and again said she felt she was a burden to her family. She told me she didn’t think she’d make it out of the hospital this time. She hoped we all live happily; that we should not cry and go on our little adventures! If we can accomplish these things, she’ll be “all smiles.” My response was, “If you go, I’ll miss you like crazy but you don’t need to worry about me. I will be alright. I’ll be sad but I know everyone has to go, no exceptions. I can accept the natural order of things. What I cannot accept is if you think of yourself as a burden to us. Now <em>that</em> would <strong>really </strong>make me sad.” She nodded at my response and seemed comforted by those words. </p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Being a good person when things are going well is easy and proves nothing. It’s if we can be a good person when things go to shit. Total shit shows expose who we are, so in some ways, I even have appreciation for the shit shows in life. This crisis with grams brought out the worst in a family member and sadly reminded me of hardships I had with my ex. Though I was fairly unfazed by that family member (I’ve had practice, haha), others were not. Having family vent to me about them, brought out stuff I’ve blocked out. Brought to mind a lot of crap I did not enjoy reliving, bothered me even more than what was going on with Grams. With Grams, I know bodies age and death is inevitable. In accepting that, it tempers a lot of the emotional side of me. Logic can be comforting, at least to me.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>So much harder when faced with someone that <em>should</em> love you, but instead of loving you, choose to be hurtful in order to protect their own egos and self-interests…that is a special kind of pain. Extremely damaging in ways that’s very hard to heal from and lately I see just how damaging, how hard to heal. </p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>I’m still trying to let resentment go, that’s gotta count for something right? I really didn’t think something that’s past can bother me more than something happening to me presently, not any more anyway. Very interesting. As with anything in life, I do know I’ll be okay because at my core, I am a happy person and that realization (belief?) is the luckiest thing to ever happen to me. </p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Z! This song has the lyrics “BAD BAD BOY.” You are NOT a bad bad boy but a very good bad boy.</p>