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misscandieliscious' Profile

PLEASE READ MY TESTIMONY TOWARDS THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE ONCE DONE OVERLOOKING MY PROFILE. I WOULD LIKE YOU ALL TO KNOW WHAT THE REAL ME IS LIKE AND HOW I HAVE BECOME WHO I HAVE BECOME BECAUSE OF JESUS.

OH HOW I WANT TO BE LIKE JESUS.....

MY NEW FRIEND SANG THIS FOR ME ON HERE AFTER SHE HAD READ MY TESTIMONY....I AM SO APPRECIATIVE AND REJOICING AFTER HEARING HER SING THIS TO ME...I LOVE IT! THANK YOU PEACHY! HURRY!!! GO PAUSE THE MUSIC PLAYER AND CLICK ON THE "WE ARE THE WORLD" 2007 SINGSNAP KARAOKE VIDEO SONG/VIDEO REMAKE LOCATED NEAR THE BOTTOM OF MY PAGE!!! SO...MY GOOD FRIEND/DANCE PAWTNUH "REYNALDO" ON HERE MADE THIS FOR ME FOR MY BIRTHDAY TODAY! AND I AM KEEPING THIS POSTED JUST CUZ IT IS TOO COOL TO NOT SHARE THIS! HE EVEN GOT MY FACE IN IT AND MY FIRE ENGINE RED HAIR! LOL FREAKIN AWESOME! THIS IS A KARAOKE PROJECT THAT I AND MANY OTHERS MEMBERS OF WWW.SINGSNAP.COM ARE PROUD OF WHO ARE FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD WHO HAVE CONTRIBUTED THEIR VOICES SO THAT THIS SONG CAN BE THE SUCCESS THAT WE HOPE IT IS TO BE ONE DAY SOON IF ALL GOES AS WELL....I PRODUCED AND COORDINATED THE PROJECT AND HAD SOME AMAZING,WONDERFULLY TALENTED PEOPLE STEP FOWARD TO HELP PROFESSIONALLY MIX THIS SONG FOR ME- MHELL AND MR.MAGOOWHO...YOU GUYS ARE SOOOO AWESOME!!! AND SO ARE ALL YOU OTHER SINGSNAP MEMBERS WHO SHARED YOUR VOICE AND HEART ON THIS PROJECT! THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE AND YOUR DEDICATION OF HARD WORK AND TIME ON THE KARAOKE REMAKE. TO EVERYONE WHO VIEWS THIS AND LISTENS...WE THANK YOU!!! WE HAVE ALL BEEN SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS PROJECT AND WE HOPE IT WILL BE HEARD AND SEEN EVERYWHERE AROUND THE WORLD! OUR MISSION IS TO VOICE THAT WE AS A HUMAN RACE NEED TO TAKE A STAND AND REALIZE THAT URGENT CHANGES IN THIS WORLD ARE NEEDED AND TODAY IS THE DAY....AND WE HOPE THE REMAKE OF THIS SONG WILL REACH MILLIONS AND TOUCH EACH AND EVERY ONE'S HEART AND JUST MAYBE WE CAN CONVINCE PEOPLE THAT THERE IS HOPE IF WE ALL UNITE TO ADDRESS ISSUES IN THIS WORLD THAT NEED URGENT ATTENTION NO MATTER WHAT OUR DIFFERENCES ARE- WE CAN ALL AGREE THE WORLD IS IN CHAOS AND WE MUST DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE MANY ISSUES WE FACE....ON OUR PLANET-OUR COUNTRY'S- OUR STATES-OUR HOMETOWN'S AND EVEN OUR OWN HOMES.... IF YOU WOULD BE SO KIND- PLEASE PASS THE LINK TO THIS VIDEO ON TO YOUR FRIENDS SO THAT THEY TOO MAY SEND THE MESSAGE ON!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zblkIo9mAdE ANY PROMOTION THIS SONG/VIDEO WILL OR HAS RECIEVED IS DEEPLY APPRECIATED FROM THE BOTTOM OF OUR HEARTS! A MYSPACE PAGE FOR THIS PROJECT WILL BE DEVELOPED SOON! AGAIN...THANK YOU FOR VIEWING!!!! GOD BLESS!!!

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THANK YOU FOR LISTENING......AND PLEASE PASS THE WORD ON ABOUT THIS TO ANYONE YOU KNOW! DIRECT THEM TO MY PAGE IF YOU HAVE TO...WE WANT OUR MESSAGE SENT TO ANYONE WHO IS WILLING TO LISTEN! Check out my personal myspace page.... www.myspace.com/candiegirl4u Are you an 80's fan? I sure am! If you are one too please check out my 80's Mega Fan Page on myspace called "THE MOST TOTALLY AWESOME 80'S PAGE EVERRRR!!!!" THE LINK IS: www.myspace.com/candieliscious I am a dj and I specialize in throwing 80's Flashback parties! I am not ashamed to admit....I am very hey! whats up people! you guys are gonna see me one day on tv....just remember my name lol...hey I can dream cant I? who knows! lol maybe i will see you on tv too! lol...I love to sing my butt off and I do not claim to be great on every single song I choose to sing! lol...everyone makes poor song selections from time to time-but it is important to keep even the bad ones so u can practice on the one's that need work! so if you ever hear me sing a song you think i got all wrong...please dont hold against my other songs! check a few of them out! there's good ones in there somewhere-i promise! lol there is so much talent here on this site and i love this place! Please sign my guestbook or my photo album guestbook if you have stopped by to read this! i have met alot of cool people here! in the mean time..... KEEP ON ROCKIN' DUDES! SEE YA AROUND! TIL I SEE YA AGAIN.... ROCK N' ROLL FOREVER!!!!

PLEASE MUTE MY MUSIC PLAYER BEFORE YOU PUSH PLAY ON THIS VIDEO. THIS VIDEO LASTS ONLY ABOUT 2 MINUTES- IT WILL MAKE YOU JUMP OUT OF YOUR SEAT AND HOLD ON TO YOUR HEART AND MAYBE EVEN SCREAM OUT "OH GOD".... I AM SPEAKING FROM MY OWN EXPERIENCE ON THIS! AND THIS IS YOUR OFFICIAL WARNING!!IT IS SCARY BUT YET WONDERFUL AT THE SAME TIME. MY TESTIMONY- MY TRUTH OF JESUS CHRIST- LONG BUT WELL WORTH THE READ....PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO READ IT. **HUGS** What was my life like before Jesus saved me? I had a life of hell. I had a mother who didn’t give a crap about me or my sister and she left us when we were just real little girls. My dad took care of us. But his second wife used to abuse me and my sister...she used to beat us and lock us in our bedroom. Then at 5 years old I was hit by a car after school and was in a body cast and had to learn how to walk all over again. Then at age 7, i was molested by my dad’s then at the time bestfriend...it went on for a few weeks. He would sneak into my room when my dad would leave him to babysit us while he picked up my step-mother from work. My sister and I shared a room and she never once heard him come in. He was careful to be quiet. He used his mouth on me. He would tell me to be quiet and warned me that if I told anyone I would be in real big trouble and no one would believe me. I layed there in fear everytime my dad would leave. And I would hate it when he left. It was like I couldn’t bring myself to just come right and beg my dad not to leave. I was in FEAR. When he would do this to me- all I could think about was my second grade teacher at the time. I couldn’t move or speak..i could only lay there and gaze at the wall my bed was against...or sometimes pretend like i was sleeping and didn’t feel a thing. I remembering wishing my sister would wake up. Anyways, a few weeks later...i was riding my cousins bike- a boy bike- the kind with the bars in the middle- like a bmx bike. And I went to the bathroom and my grandma was with me in there and seen a spot of blood in my underwear. She immediately started asking me questions and i told her the answers truthfully and she flipped out and got my dad to come in there. I remember this day to a T. My whole family just about was over there that day. It was a sunny day. I remember my whole family losing it. I was scared. And that night my dad’s other bestfriend was left to babysit us with the man that did that to me. They set it up on purpose so that he could be there when my step-mom returned home he could be confronted with the truth. When she returned home- they came and got me out of bed and brought me into the living room. He sat there on the couch as they asked me questions and i remember him denying everything and saying i was lying. Forgive me for the typo’s or lowercase lettering here- but i am in tears as i write this...i need to get this out. Many of you don’t know this about me. And my hopes are that my story will help someone. Even if it is one person. Anyhow...he kept on denying- and accusing me of lying- and i remember my step mom screaming at him to get out of our house and how she was going to kill him. I remember being told to go back to bed. I remember wondering if it was finally going to be overwith for good. Needless to say he was arrested and sent to prison. But he got out and did it some more to other girls. Two of which io believed he lured into cascade park. He got caught in the act with another girl- her parents caught him. Finally put away for years and still in there to this day thank god! I do know that my dad’s other bestfriend who watched me that night (which was a grafton security guard btw)- kicked that man’s butt when he came through the prison. In the past few years i have heard he keeps getting denied parol and is now a borned again christian. Now, i have lived with this all my life and i never forget. I still have flashbacks. I still cry over it.I have even attempted suicide over it even as an adult recently. Why? because I am disgusted at what happened to me....and I feel corrupted because of him. I feel dirty sometimes because of what he has done to me. Like he took my innocence from me. No one understands why I feel this way...but i can’t help it. I feel like i could have just prevented it had i just kicked him in the face. BUt for some reason all i could do was just lay still in fear. I have 5 different mental disorders i suffer from today over this and i am on meds now finally taking care of these issues. Had i not sought help when i seen me getting out of control and inflicting pain on myself- i might be dead. I wouldn’t even be here writing this. Since then, when i was 15 i got hit by another car- my step mother was still abusive- and i was forced into getting married at 17 and theni concieved my two daughters- which was the only two good things that have come out of that experience. Don’t get me wrong- i loved being married. Just not to him. He didn’t know how to be a husband or a father. Our lights were getting shut off all the time. He wouldn’t work. And things started getting physical. And i knew i had to leave and get my kids out of there. He isn’t in their life as much as i would like him to be or that i feel he needs to be- but he is getting better about them...and he has held a good job for a few years. After i left him. i was raped by a man here in Elyria whom I thought i could trust. I wont get into great detail about him because there are alot of people good friends with him...some who know me and him both have a hard time believing he could do something like that. BUT IT HAPPENED. And he got off the hook because the witnesses who were there were his friends and didn’t want to see him put away...so they lied for him...and they even sat there and laughed and watched as he did what he did to me with a hammer handle....NO I AM NOT KIDDING! hard to believe huh? well believe it. i have no reason to lie. People don’t understand. They think that none of their friends have dark secrets. They dont want to believe that someone they consider a friend could do such an act. THEY DONT WANT TO FACE THE EVILNESS OF IT....so they remain in denial. so i dont even bother discussing it anymore with the people who know him...and still i am always looking over my shoulder in public because the last time i seen him he threatened to kill me. I have suffered a few more instances of physical and mental abuse in my early to mid twenties- even up until i was 27- now i am 29 going on 30 this september. who was i in my twenties as an adult? i was a sinner. i didnt love myself enough to care about myself or my body. I let my bf’s have their way with me...because i was used to men having their way with me and hurting me. I found comfort in experimenting with drugs and alchohol....as far as the drugs goes- i was never an addict- just a young girl curious about stuff....thank god i never got addicted to anything! as for the alcohol? was i an alcoholic? am i one today? no i dont think so. In my eyes, i just loved to have a good time a and party. Sometimes a little to hard. But my body paid the price for it the next day. And i regret that time in my life when i was a part party girl. I mean if someone had a partu- i was there- and everyone knows i can throw some pretty fun and crazy parties. But i am growing up finally and leaving that life behind.I want betetr for my kids. I dont want them to hate me when they grow up for being some party mother. I love them too much- and they dont deserve that. I want to be a good example to them and teach them how to be a lady and respectable and respectful and independant. I want to teach them that they dont need anyone to take care of them that they can do it on their own....and to only trust in themselves. In my eyes- the world is out to get you. Everyone is out to get you. And it is hard to find shelter from the evilness in this world. It is my job as a mother to provide that shelter and instill good morals and values in them. I would conisder myself a cool chick lol...easy to get along with and i have lots of patience- i been told i am too nice for my own good. But i can’t help it- i dont think being mean is a necessity to get through life...i dont feel you have to be a mean person to get ahead or get your way. We have enough mean people and hatred and anger and doubt in the world. We need more nice people with understanding and heart. I love to make people laugh. Even if it means me being ditzy for someone elses amusement! lol...everyone who is close to me knows i am a clown. When i die- i want to be remembered as the girl who made people smile and laugh their booties off. I want to be remembered as the girl who had a big heart and loved to love. SO NOW YOUR PROBABLY ASKING WHAT CHANGED AND MADE ME BECOME THE WAY I AM NOW- ON THE GOD KICK? Mind you, before Feb. 2004- i neevr really picked up the bible and read it -nor did i pray or go to church. the times that i did go with my grandma- i always felt i was talking to myself when praying and that i wasnt heard. i hated going to church but i did it to please my grandma. I had always believed in jesus and god and the devil. but i never really cared about any of it. I lived my life for myself and my own needs and selfishness. Then one day i started to wonder about things. I began to observe things in my life and i reflected on all the things that happened to me- and all the wrong i had ever done in my life...i started thinnking about the possibility of jesus returning- and would i be right with him when he came or when i died? did i want to go to heaven? or hell for that matter? i didnt claim any religion what so ever and btw is till dont! I want to be very clear about that. however- i was never taught that jesus or god or the bible or heaven or hell were real....it was just something i had always known but never bothered to check it out for myself. So one night, my ex who i was with for almsot 4 years was taking a shower and my kids were in bed sleeping. and somehow i found myself in prayer- deep prayer- and all the wrong i had ever done in my life- things i had even forgotten about that had happened years and years ago suddenly flashed through my brain- and i felt tremendous pain and remorse and sorrow and disgust in myself...and i felt jesus come over me and show me where i was heading if i didn’t get on his path....and he showed me where i could go i walked his path...i felt him forgive me...i felt him come into my heart and his love wash over me...i felt him lift my burdens and my sin and i felt him make me a new person on the inside....i trembled in tears as this happened...i will never forget this feeling...it was very humbling and no one in this world can tell me it was all in my head. i was saved. i was saved from hell. i had grace. if you dont know the definition of grace- look it up in the dictionary- the meaning is amazing and i had it-and still have it. It was no angel there with me- it was jesus himself! and the feeling is amazing and incredible! never in a million years had i thought that this would or could ever happen to me. I WAS EVEN ABLE TO FORGIVE THOSE WHO TRESPASS AGAINST ME! THE GUY WHO MOLESTED ME AND RAPED ME AND MY STEP MOTHER AND MY BIRTH MOTHER ALL AT ONCE! never had i thought i could do that! but i di it that very night! my bf got out of the shower and he came into the bedroom to find me sitting there on the edge of my bed in tears shaking with all my might - tears just pouring out of my eyes and down my face and i told him i felt jesus. and he held me until i was calm down. and i got up and walked straigth into my daughters room and woke my oldest up who liked to argue with me all the time- and i told her with tears in my eyes that mommy was sorry if i was a bad mommy and that i want to be a good mommy and get along better...then i had called my aunt pat the next morning and told her what had happened to me...and she told me before i could even spit out the words that i was saved by jesus....and she told me to really think about it before i decide to walk down the path of a christian- she said it was not an easy path or road to follow- but i wanted it!...and i told her there was no thinking about it- i knew what i had to do. jesus gave me the answers. and i knew i had to find a good church- one that i get fed and recieve the word of god really really good at. a place where god’s people would accept me and love me right. And so i made a phone call to a preacher my aunt knew. And i called him to set up a time to come see him in person so i could tell him what happened to me. And when i met him- and told him of my story- he smiled really big and laughed at said candie- you were saved by jesus christ! there is no doubt in my mind he said! and we talked some more. at this point i hadnt picked up the bible yet...but you bet your patootie i sure did after our conversation was through. and we set up more counseling time and i decided right i wanted to attend this church. he said i needed to be baptized since i was saved...but he refused to do it just yet. he wasnted me to come to the church for a good two months or until i had really been sure to make up my mind that this was the church for me. i found myself there every sunday morning and night and on wednesdays before the doors could even open up! i was constantly with my nose in the bible. and when i had read in the bible what getting saved was- it clicked right in sync with what had happend to me. the bible was merely backup to confirm what i had already known. and i fell in love with the bible...i feel in love with the words of jesus christ. about a month later i was baptized. the baptism was to wash away sin and to give me a concscience i never had before i was saved when it comes to doing what is right and wrong according to god. and now that i have all this- i dont want to let it go. not everrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!! people all around me could see the changes in me. and i didnt change because the bible told me to- jesus himself waked with everyday telling me what is right and what is wrong and he got me through each and every day....i quit cussing....which i used to be really bad at- i quit partying...i wentout and spoke to homeless people on the street and gave them food and heat packs for their hands- and prayer and i picked people at random in restauraunts to leave their tips with notes on a napkin for them telling them i loved them and appreciate them- and that god loves them....and i quit listenign to the heavey metal music i once loved- korn- my favorite band- i left the music alone and switched to the 99.5 the fish here in cleveland, Ohio....a family friendly radio station. i changed the rules in my house- there was to be no more cussing- no G*d word...we had a cuss plate on the table and if anyone cussed they had to put a quarter on the plate and i would take the money on the plate and donate it to the church...lol...we filled up baby bottles with change collected to help single mothers in need of diapers or whatever for their babies...my friends would tell me they seen a whole new me...and the light in my eyes... but guess what....i ran into my old friends who partied all the time drinking and carrying on---and i almost let it go....i drifted away from the church and gods people. and more and more i slipped away...started telling myself no need for none of it- that i could be ok without going to church and keeping away from god people. boy was i wrong! the more and more i let satan slip in- the more ignored jesus. my life went on this way up until recently....back in october me and my bf split up. and i hit an all time low. i was in the hospital for suicide attempts- even though i knew it was wrong and god would not be please i still attempted it- i felt i would have been doingeveryone a favor if i was gone- including my daughters. i felt so unloved and unwanted and i was in rocky times with my family - which only added to the pain i was suffering from my broken relationship with my bf whom i loved so dearly but i felt rejected- and not just with him- but by everyone- i couldnt find a job- my car wasn’t running- and i realized another issue why i didnt want to bother looking for work anymore- mind you i have a college education and i cant even use it because there is nothing out there- but it dawned on me that i have a tremendous fear even now- that someone will molest my daughters. i can only trust a few people to watch them- but in the back of my mind i always wonder about people...even family- i know that sounds harsh- but this is the fear brought on by sex abusers and child molesters and this is how it affects us when it comes to our own children left being watched and babysat by others...you just neverrrr know! so people can rag on me all they want to about me not working - i dont care what anyone thinks of me on this aspect. i am protecting my children by me being home as much as a mother should be. they should have a program for mothers who were abused as children who have these kinds of issues that can help them get by at least until they are 18. not welfare. just some extra help....and maybe make us pay it back once our kids become 18. thats just my opinion. not saying its right- but its mine. and i am not going to apologize for it. i have my reasons for feeling this way. i love working- but i am afraid of the what if’s? anyways...so after i was hospitalized for 4 days and diagnosed with Bi-Polar level 2 and adjustment disorder- Post traumatic stress disorder- Sever Anxiety, and personality disorder....i started thinking about my life again. and how my life is back to pure hell without god. when i walked with jesus and did right by him- life was great- i was blessed tremendously. when i turned my back on jesus- my life was in shambles. so i went back to church again- and i felt out of place- feeling guilty for leaving to begin with- feeling like i was unworthy of being there and that i would be judged- so i quit going back though it was where i really wanted to be...just couldnt bring myself to go... but about 3 weeks ago- i started thinking about that. i was like- what am i doing?! and i knew i needed to get back on jesus’s path and walk with him again...he rose me up from my doubts and my sorrows...again he picked me up! and i felt him! it wasnt the bible that led me back to jesus- it was the fact that i was sinning- and observing the wickedness in this world and how i was getting caught up in it and dangerously- and i was fearful of who i could become. the old me. the old candie who liked to party and sin left and right like it was the cool thing to do just because the rest of my friends or the world were doing it and i didnt want them to make fun of me...so i did things to fit in with the...worried that if i had even mentioned jesus name i would be mocked and made fun of or told i am wrong for following this path...i know jesus is not excepted anymore in this world. it is like everyone shutters at the thought of his very name and the love story about him on the cross and what he did there because he loved us. People come against jesus with great doubt and denial. And it literally sickens my stomach to hear and see others act this way just because they haven’t experienced what i and many others who have had the blessing of jesus come into our lives. people dont understand that they can have this life too if they just open up their hearts and quit thinking about themselves and instead think about what jesus did for us. i dont see how people can get so angry and say "well god is not love if he casts his children to hell"...or they say"the bible is a joke- nothing but words of regular men"....the bible is documentation! jesus was born of the virgin mary- he was beaten and carried a rugged cross and nailed to that cross to die on it- FOR US! he shed hisblood for us people! do you know of any other human who would literally go through all that jesus did- just for the sake of the world? i dont think so! the passion- the love demonstrated on the cross is the greatest non-fiction love story of all! and as far as the bible goes- it is here for a reason! are their books missing? maybe. maybe not. if there is- it still doesnt mean that the bible is not legit. to throw it out the window liek it means nothing is like a slap in the face to god! and to jesus and what he did for us! he did not die on that cross for nothing and rise again 3 days later to be caught up into the sky to go prepare a place for us to go when we die or when the judgement comes! us borned again will be caught up in the clouds before his second coming and people left behind are going to freak out thinking aliens came and got us. millions will be missing. millions will be left behind. and the earth and the people left behind are going to suffer some hard trials like never seen before or imagined before. us caught up to be with him- are going to come back with him as his soldiers and fight satan and his angels. and when jesus christ comes back and every eye shall see him as he steps his foot on the mount of olives- everyone will bow down on one knee- even satan himself and confess that jesus christ is lord! and the earth will open up and swallow satan and everyone else going with him as he falls into the pit of hell...beneath the earths crust- inside the core -the heart of the earth! and the kingdom of heaven will come down to the earth as the earth will be made anew! the world is not going to end. but this world we live in now will. the wickedness will end. and goodness- GREATNESS! will take over! i dont care who doubts me. i already know i will be doubted. i can careless. jesus said we would suffer doubt and mockery- and denial of what we believe and our faith- those people dont know any better because satan is running the show in their lives and they aren’t smart enough to wake up and accept god and all that comes with him. they would rather live in this world of filth and sin. WHY ON EARTH I DO NOT KNOW! all i can do is be a light to others and show them how the lord is blessing me. some might say well god is supposed to be a loving god- he wouldnt let these bad things happen- well guess what! people! god is a god of wrath! and he is an angry god! he is the father of all things heaven and earth and hell. and he holds the keys to it all- and just like any father would correct their children when they dont listen- GOD DOES THE SAME THING! do you think he wants you to go to hell? nope! he doesn’t! hell was not made for you. it was made for satan....but if your going to live your life by satans way denying christ or the way he wants us to walk- then your going to go right along with satan! if your smart enough to get out of a bad neighborhood so you can have a better life- abtter way of living- why cant ya do the same for your spiritual life? dont you care about where you go after this? does it not bother you? i see it this way....hey if i am wrong- if there is no god and jesus didnt want me to live according to what he wants me to do and NOT do....i have lost nothing! have i?! i could say so what....i could say i was a better person if anything- but if i dont believe and dont follow his way- and he shows up and shows us hwo real he really is! then boy am i in big trouble and i will have lost my spot in a glorious kingdom - a place where i dont have to suffer no more- where my loved ones who are saved are there and they arent suffering no more! and all is good in the eyes of the lord! hear this truth people! call this preaching if ya want to...i dont care! i am supposed to speak up for the lord! i am supposed to defend him and his words and all that he stands for and stands against! i dont care what people think of me! to tell me i am crazy and i dont know what i am talkin about? how do you explain my experience with jesus himself when i was saved and felt him here and i still feel him here! and if you guys doubt me -so what. if i lose friendships or relationships over my love for the lord- so be it- i will still have all the love i need from god- from jesus. without him i am nothing! and i dont want to be nothing! or just some spec in this world...where i dont matter...i do matter! and god does not make no garbage! just like when was first borned again- my friends at that time turned their backs on me when they seen i wasnt the same person and that i was done partying and that they couldnt use my home as a place to party hardy anymore....i found out who my true friends were, and i didnt make them leave my life- i never talked down on them- if anything i only tried to help them by showing them jesus was within my heart! they chose to leave because they couldnt face me changing. they liked the sinner in me. WELL I AM HERE TO TELL YOU PEOPLE I HATE THE SINNER IN ME! AND I WILL RESIST SIN AND SATAN AS MUCH AS I HUMANLY POSSIBLY CAN! WILL I FALL? WILL I STRUGGLE WITH THINGS AND SIN? YOU BET! WILL I BE PERFECT? NO FREAKIN WAY! BUT AT LEAST I AM AWARE WHEN I DO WRONG AND I AM SORRY FOR IT AT THE END OF EACH DAY WHEN I REFLECT ON HOW MY DAY HAS GONE - I LOOK AT MYSLEF AND PICK MYSELF APART AND PRAY TO GOD TO FORGIVE ME AND GIVE ME STRENGTH! HE HAS SHOWN ME THAT WHEN I AM DOWN HE ALWAYS PICKS ME RIGHT BACK UP! I FEEL HIM! AND I AM NOT INSAINE FOR FEELING JESUS HERE ! ANDI WILL NOT BE ASHAMED OF MY LOVE FOR GOD. IF PEOPLE WANT TO KILL ME OVER IT- I COULD CARE LESS! KILL ME. HATE ME. WHATEVERRRRRRRR! I KNOW WHERE I AM GOING. AND I WONT ALLOW SATAN TO STAND IN MY WAY ANYMORE. I HAVE LET HIM RUN MY LIFE MORE THAN HE EVER DESERVED AND I AM SICK OF HIM BRINGING ME DOWN. I AM SICK OF HIM MAKING ME DEPRESSED AND MAKING ME THINK NO ONE LOVE’S ME- THAT I DESERVE TO KILL MYSELF OR HURT MYSELF - I AM SICK OF HIM MAKING ME THINK I AM DOING MY KIDS A FAVOR BY ATTEMPTING SUICIDE! YA KNOW! EACH AND EVERYTIME I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT SUICIDE ESPECIALLY THE LAST TIME BACK IN OCTOBER- I PACED THE FLOOR WITH A BAG FULL OF PRESCRIPTION STRENGTH SLEEPING PILLS I STOLE FROM MY BF BEFORE HE GOT HIS STUFF OUT OF HERE.... AND I WAS SHOUTING AND BALLING IN TEARS - TAKING THE PILLS OUT AND HOLDING A HANDFUL OF THE PILLS IN MY PALM - CRYING AS I LOOK UP TO GOD SCREAMIN’ WHY DO I HAVE TO FEEL THIS PAIN? WHY DO I HAVE TO HAVE A BROKEN HEART? WHY CANT ANYONE LOVE ME THE WAY I DESIRE TO BE LOVED? AND GUESS WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? I TOOK ONE LOOK UP AT MY DAUGHTERS PICTURES- AND I DROPPED DOWN AND COLLAPSED AND DROPPED THE PILLS OUT OF MY HAND AND I JUST SAT THERE CRYING AND I CALLED FOR HELP. I HAD MY BESTFRIEND TAKE MY KIDS FOR ME SO THAT THEY COULD GET TO SCHOOL- AND I HAD HER TAKE ME TO THE NORD CENTER SO I COULD SEEK HELP. GOD SAVED MY LIFE THAT DAY PEOPLE!!! HE SHOWED ME I AM MEANT TO BE HERE TO RAISE MY GIRLS! AND THAT HE WOULD GIVE ME THE STRENGTH TO GET THROUGH ANY PAIN I WAS FEELING. I GOT THE CARE I NEEDED...AND GUESS WHAT ? I PRAYED MY LIFE WOULD BE GREAT AGAIN...THAT MY HEART WOULD BE HEALED. I PRAYED ALLEN WOULD COME BACK AND WE WOULD BE HAPPIER THAN EVER BEFORE....AND TWO MONTHS LATER IN DECEMBER- GUESS WHO WAS KNOCKING AT MY BACKDOOR IN THE DOWN POURING FREEZING RAIN? ALLEN! HE RODE A BIKE OVER HERE WITH TWO FLAT TIRES - RODE ACROSS TOWN TO MY HOUSE AT 2:30 AM ON WEDNESDAY MORNING! AND WHEN I OPENED THE DOOR- HE COLLAPSED IN MY ARMS AND CRIED HOW SORRY HE WAS. AND ALL WE COULD DO WAS HOLD EACHOTHER. MY KIDS WOKE UP AND SEEN HIM THERE WHEN THEY WOKE UP FOR SCHOOL AND THEY RAN INTO HIS ARMS AND WOULDNT LET GO AND THEY CRIED IN HIS ARMS THAT THEY WERE HAPPY TO SEE HIM. THEY WANTED US BACK TOGETHER. AND WE DECIDED WE WOULD TRY AGAIN AND MAKE THINGS RIGHT. HE SHOWS ME EVERYDAY HE IS SORRY. AND WE ARE THE HAPPIEST WE HAVE EVER BEEN! SO DONT TELL ME THAT JESUS AINT REAL! NOT ONLY THAT! ALLEN WAS FINALLY APPROVED FOR HIS DISABILITY BY A JUDGE! WHICH I HAD PRAYED ON SO HARD! AND THAT PRAYER GOT ANSWERED! SO DONT TELL ME JESUS IS NOT HERE WITH ME AND THAT HIS WORDS IN THE BIBLE MEAN NOTHING. YES THERE ARE BAD THINGS IN THE BIBLE- UGLY HORRIFIC DESCRIPTIONS OF THINGS THAT ARE NOW- AND THINGS THAT WILL BE- BUT THER IS A REASON FOR THAT! YOU CANT JUST HAVE THE GOOD STUFF OUT OF THE BIBLE AND THROW OUT THE REST...YOU EITHER HAVE THE WHOLE PIE OR NONE AT ALL...YOU CANT HAVE A SLICE HERE...A LITTLE OF THIS A LITTLE OF THAT...YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT IT ALL! I CAN ONLY SHOW YOU GUYS WHAT HE HAS DONE FOR ME BY GIVING THIS TESTIMONY. IF THIS ISN’T PROOF ENOUGH I AM SORRY YOU DONT GET IT. BUT I HAVE ALL THE PROOF I NEED. JESUS CAME TO ME AND HE IS STILL HERE WIPING MY TEARS AND BEING MY ROCK AND HOLDING ME UP NO MATTER WHO OR WHAT COMES AGAINST ME! I SPEAK ON HIS BEHALF! I SPEAK ON WHAT HE HAS DONE IN MY LIFE AND WHAT I WITNESS! IF OTHERS CANT SEE IT- ITS ONLY CAUSE THEY CHOOSE NOT TO. THAT DOESN’T MAKE WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME ANY LESS REAL WHEN HE PICKE DME UP AND STARTED WALKING WITH ME AGAIN- EVEN CARRYING ME AT TIMES I COULD NOT EVEN GET UP OUT OF BED! I PRAISE HIM EVERYDAY! THANK YOU GOD FOR ALLOWING ME TO GIVE MY TESTIMONY. I HOPE YOU WILL BLES EVERYOEN WHO READS THIS- THE BELIEVERS AND NON-BELIEVERS- AND IN-BETWEENS! I PRAY YOU WILL SHOW THEM THE WAY AND SHIELD THEM FROM SATAN AND EVIL WAYS OF THIS WORLD THAT YOU DO NOT APPROVE OF LORD! KEEP THEM IN YOUR LIGHT AND YOUR LOVE AND SHOW THEM LIKE YOU HAVE SHOWN ME THE POWER OF YOUR UNTOUCHED- UNFLAWED HOLINESS AND GRACE AND THE GIFT OF SALVATION SO THAT I WILL NOT PERISH WITH SATAN IN HIS FIRE. BLESSED BE YOUR NAME JESUS CHRIST. YOU ARE REMEMBERED HERE FOR ALL THAT YOU HAVE DONE FOR ME. I WILL NOT FORGET OR REGRET HAVING YOU BE A BLESSING IN MINE AND MY CHILDREN’S LIFE. THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING. AMEN! (TO EVERYONE WHO HAS READ THIS FAR- THANK YOU- I AM NOT HERE TO OFFEND- JUST TO SHOW WHAT JESUS HAS DONE FOR ME- SO DONT TAKE ME SHOUTING MY THOUGHTS UP ABOVE THE WRONG WAY- IT WAS SHOUTING OUT OF LOVE-EVEN IF YA WANT TO GO AS FAR AS TO CONSIDER IT "TOUGH LOVE" THEN SO BE IT- EITHER WAY I LOVE YA!) LOL Feel free to chat with me on my face! lol
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