I'm a wild and crazy guy!....
It has been my long standing observation of over 6 decades of life experience that many of those who take the greatest offense at another's language are most usually, in a manner of speaking, not as worried about actually having a mouth full of shit as they are about keeping an image of self righteousness intact by just not saying the 'word'...... LMAO
At 64 I still can't decide whether I want to become a Chip an' Dale's dancer, or just run away somewhere and join a cult that worships blue oysters!
Someone once asked me, "what's it like to be in love?"... Hell, I ain't Dr. Ruth, but the first thing that popped into my mind was, "somedays it's kinda' like masturbating with a cheese-grater". ?
Yesterday I was at the local Walmart buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow for my loyal pet Misty. I was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, goldfish? Being retired and with little else to do, I impulsively told her no. I didn't have a dog. But that I was starting the Purina Diet again. I said I probably shouldn't because I wound up in a hospital the last time. But before waking up in intensive care, I had lost 50 pounds on the diet. I told her it was the perfect diet, and the way it works is to load your pockets up with it, and when you feel hungry, just munch a couple of the nuggets. The food is nutritionally complete and works so well I was going to try it again. (By now, everyone in line was listening to my story) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no... I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's ass and a car hit me!
My Best Features:
I'm a hopeless romantic. Humorous, well mannered, genuine, serious, alert, loving, kind, thoughtful, sensitive, self sacrificing, generous (sometimes to a fault), well seasoned, extremely provocative and evocative, intelligent, surprising, enterprising, considerate, well educated, never boastful, and almost always horny! (Damn it! I really wanted to include humble, modest and attractive.) ... And though I never tell a lie, I'm not exactly adverse to being modestly economical with the truth!
I'm loved by most, but feared and reviled by others.
What else?... Lechery of course!